A day in Hell – AKA Chessington World of Adventures during half term holidays.

Normally at half term I try to avoid child centred places like the plague. I don’t like crowds, and I have a real issue with some of the parents that go to these places (and also their spawn)

I’m talking about the ones that travel in packs. There’s normally 3 or more adults, and all their offspring. They have on average 3 each. They all have pushchairs, or the real hardcore ones have double buggies. These buggies aren’t for transporting children, they’re used solely as battering rams to get their way through the crowds as quickly as possible, and for carrying the 300 bags and coats they seem to bring with them. There are no children in these buggies. Ever. They’re off running wild somewhere out of sight, banging on the glass of some poor spider monkeys enclosure, or kicking rocks at someone. They come from all walks of life, and they always seem to appear en masse during school holidays.

That’s why when half term hits, I work. And I pack the kids off to my mums so she can deal with these places 😂

All work and no play makes Michelle a dull girl though, so I try and do something with the kids, just so when they go back to school, I don’t look like a complete arsehole.

On Monday I played it clever, and declared it a movie day (we had to wait in for the carpet fitter) They had gone slightly stir crazy by the afternoon, and the kraken had exposed various parts of her body to the workmen in the house, so I knew she was bored, but we survived.

I figured on Friday we should probably get some fresh air, especially as it was forecast to be sunny. So, along with my best buddy and her cretins angels, we packed a picnic and headed to Chessington World of Adventures (you can buy tickets here https://www.chessington.com)

I got there early, about half an hour before it opened, and the car park was already filling up. I decided then that this was a bad idea. I could see the buggy gangs descending. There were hundreds of them, coming from all directions, like ants returning to their Queen 😂

We went though, we stuck it out. We saw giraffes, we went on the rides that were open, we ate ice cream (well they did, I didn’t want to be farting all the way home because of the lactose. The kids don’t like that in the car 😂)

Most importantly, we survived. Oh and the kids reckon they had a great day. They have to be the only species that can spend most of a day moaning or in tears, and still declare that day a success!

Tonight is espresso martini in front of the fire night, and I think we’ve earned every moment of it. 😘

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