Valentine shmalentines

Im sure I’m not the only one that thinks this way, but I really don’t like Valentine’s Day. I don’t know why, I’m in a loving relationship, well, I’m in a relationship at least, so Valentine’s Day is something I should really get on board with. But it just isn’t.

I’m the same with my birthdays. I hate them. I want to do everything and nothing at the same time. I expect everyone around me to know exactly what I want, when I don’t even know myself. I don’t want any fuss, but I want to be spoilt. I refuse to tell my husband what gifts I want, then sulk when he gets it wrong. It is no one else’s fault I hate these days, it is entirely my doing. More so, I hate the person I become on my birthday, I am a proper arsehole.

Valentine’s Day is a little bit the same. I have zero expectations, my husband has never been the most romantic, but I suppose there’s always been a little bit of me that hopes he’ll up his game and become a mind reader, and every year he doesn’t I feel a bit miffed. Again, like my birthday, I don’t even know what I want, but whatever I get, as soon as I get it, I know it’s not that.

I know this is all making me sound really spoilt, but I’m not, I promise. It’s not about money or gifts. I would rather get nothing at all, than be given something for the sake of being given it. Red roses because it’s Valentine’s Day and that’s what you’re supposed to get? Not for me, thank you. As flowers go, red roses are my least favourite.

Don’t get me wrong, he does try, and I definitely appreciate that, this problem lies entirely with me. He can’t win whatever he does. This is why I tell him not to bother doing or buying anything. Then I can be cross at him for not making the effort, instead of at both him for getting it wrong, and myself for being ungrateful.

I also have a real issue with Valentine’s Day being misappropriated. Cards for your dog or cat?? What the fuck? I love my dog, but definitely not in a romantic way. I mean he’s handsome, but not really my type.

Giving your children cards and gifts? Do we really need another day where we have to buy our children even more shit?

This is my favourite, Galantines day, a day for a girl to go out with her gal pals. I used to just call that Friday. Also, making it the day before Valentine’s Day just puts added pressure on people like me that I might be expected to do something on both days. Go away. One day is enough. I’ll celebrate my female friendships as and when I see my female friends. If you’re single and it makes you unhappy that there is a day that celebrates couples, tough shit. You get to celebrate everyday just by not having to see another human on the toilet while you brush your teeth. Count your blessings and don’t try to muscle in on a day that isn’t yours. Have all the other days and piss off.

I blame all the romantic movies we spend our adolescence watching. We’re somehow conditioned to think that there is this other human out there that will instinctively know our inner most thoughts and dreams without us telling them. They’ll plan and execute the perfect day/gift without even a clue. Those people do not exist. Trust me, I’ve been through enough looking for them.

So this year, instead of sulking, I’m going to try and be grateful that I’ve got a husband who knows me well enough to accept that I’ll be an arsehole today (more so than other days) and rejoice in the fact that he knows enough about me not to buy me bloody red roses. I’d be quite happy with some popcorn cauliflower from Marks and Spencer, that stuff is amazing!

*fingers crossed he reads this before he buys the roses…